There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between
a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see
the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the
nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting
stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the
excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage
is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins...
NO POINTING FINGERS...
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a
successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The
father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticise your wife for her
shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because
of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband
than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face.
Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat
to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that
when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.
NO OVERPOWERING....
Many relationships fail because one party tries
to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to
think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad
habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case.
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is
easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is
not easy to change.
Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character
will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to
change ourselves and lower our expectations.
RIGHT SPEECH....
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that
"A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships
break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each
other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say
anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction
site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily!
Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home,
her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will
be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, "You should
appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire
and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad
relationship.
TRUST....
Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken,
it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger,
anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She
answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated,
"PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line,
she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my husband's pocket but
I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple
if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
PERSONAL PERCEPTION....
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could
be another man's poison.
A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy
commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"
Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them.
Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family.
How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this,
the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. Further
on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented,"How can the man
ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The
husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.
Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can
you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing
that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and
carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left.
Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost
their balance and fell into the river.
well....."You can never have everyone praise you nor will everyone condemn you.
Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the
future..... Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our
conscience is
clear."
Learn to listen and accept other's views but not follow blindly.
Ultimately, you are still the one making the decision......
Be more open to other's perception
but calm to own thinking....
