Laws For Men & Women

15 Laws for Women
15 Laws for Women


1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all
up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you
can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to
make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for
it.

10. Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Palestine wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Reply Your SMSs

Jane is a typical college girl who enjoys life to the fullest. She
loves her
    boyfriend so much and texts him very now and then. Mark is Jane's
boyfriend
    who works in a call centre in LA. He's always busy doing so many
things. He only
    manages to reply to Jane's texts when he got off from work.


    One time mark receives a message from Jane: "hi baby! How are you?
i miss
    you!  Call my house when u get home. Take care! I love you!"


    Mark ignored the message because he always receive the same
message
whenever
    it is time for him to go home from work.
    "Baby, i miss you. Did you eat yet?! Take care when you get home!
ill be
    waiting for your call. I love you!"

    "Baby, where are you?!  Its unfair that you don't reply to my
texts... well,
    I'm just gonna wait for your call..I love you!"


    Mark reaches home and lay on his bed. The last time he knew is
that
he's
    reading Jane's text. He was so tired he fall asleep and wasn't
able
to return Jane's call.
    He can still hear his phone beeps but he's too tired to take a
glimpse on the message.


    When he woke up the next day, he remembers that he needs to call
Jane.
    He ignored the messages and dialed Jane's. No one's answering in
her house.
    He called up her cellphone and he was surprised that her father
answered the
    call.
    In his voice you can feel his tears and hear his heart tearing
apart.
    "Mark, why havent you called?. Jane was waiting for your call all
night!"
    "Dad im sorry. I fell asleep being so tired from work... I was
calling your
    house but no one was answering. where are you? so I can come
over."
    "Just meet me at Jane's house."


    Mark went to Jane's house and much to his surprised he saw a lot
of
people
    inside. The house was so lighted but you can see the gloom on
every
person
    you'll meet there. He was greeted by Jane's mom on tears. She hug
him tight
    and cried on his shoulders.
    "Jane was waiting for you. She didn't come with us because she was
waiting
    for your call. She was killed by robbers that broke in our house.
She's gone,
    Mark She's gone."  "That's impossible..she texted me..how could
this happen!"


    Mark can't look who's inside the coffin. He can't move and it
feels
like his
    whole body is stuck on the chair he is seating on. He wanted to
cry
but it
    seems that something is blocking his tears to fall down. He turned
to his
    phone and read the messages of Jane.


    "Baby, I'm not coming with my mom and dad.. I'm just gonna wait
for
your call.."


    "Baby. im so scared... it seems like there's someone downstairs..
Please call
    me now!"


    "Baby. Someone's here.. They might kill me...Please call me now,
where are you?
    I need you here..."


    "Baby.... i love you!..."  He wanted to shout and cry so loud.
It's
true that Jane is
    waiting for his call. Up to her last breath she only thinks about
him. He stared at Jane
    inside the coffin. Suddenly tears starts flowing down his cheeks.
He can't say
    anything. The only words he uttered...


    "My baby, I'm so sorry! I could have known, I could have fought
for
you! I'm really sorry!
    I love you so much!"

Equations of Relationships

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.

8 Types of Guys Women Avoid

1. The Needy Guy
He is overly emotional and shares all his feelings with her right away. The Needy Guy also doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about his relationship, work and friendships.

Why he is so unappealing: Confidence and independence are very sexy traits in a man -- insecurity and dependence are not. Most women look for a strong partner they can lean on. So if you are always leaning on her -- especially in the early stages of a relationship -- she might doubt your ability to do this. And since women tend to come into relationships with all sorts of insecurities, she won't want to deal with yours as well as her own.

What to do if you're that guy: Timing is everything, so you just need to keep your feelings in check at the beginning of the relationship. Try to hold off on sharing all your feelings or divulging your insecurities. Once you are far enough along in the relationship, you can share as much as you want. By that point, she'll appreciate knowing what's on your mind.

2. The Predictable Guy
Women don't like the Predictable Guy because they know exactly how he'll react to everything. He follows formulas and never wants to do anything differently. For example, he'd never surprise a woman by spontaneously taking her out for the night.

Why he is so unappealing: Women look for a certain amount of unpredictability in a man -- they want a free spirit. This is why some women seem to be drawn to the notorious "bad boy." It's not that they are drawn to his badness exactly, but rather to his unpredictability.

What to do if you're that guy: You don't have to be "bad" or a completely free spirit to win her over. But try to mix things up -- particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Call her and tell her you want to go to the countryside for the day, or for an impromptu meal. After she gets to know you, she won't mind as much if you slip back into your routine a bit. But don't forget to continue to surprise her once in a while -- doing so will keep the relationship fresh.

3. The Arrogant Guy
He has a huge ego and he's condescending. He is also rude -- not necessarily to her, but to anyone he perceives as beneath him. And that's just as bad as being rude directly to her.

Why he is so unappealing: A woman often looks at how a man treats other people to assess his personality. So even though you might be nice to her on a date, she'll be paying attention to how you act with other people too.

What to do if you're that guy: No woman wants to be talked down to, so I shouldn't have to tell you to shed the ego when you are dealing with her directly. But in order to really impress her, you need to treat everyone around you with a certain amount of respect -- because she'll be watching.

4. The Boorish Guy
The Boorish Guy doesn't try to hide the fact that he's checking out other women while in her presence; he flirts with the waitress and he even goes as far as to brag about his past conquests. Overall, he lacks respect for women.

Why he is so unappealing: Not only is this type of behavior infuriating, it can also be bad for a woman's self-esteem. If you act like this when you are first getting to know a woman, you won't stand a chance.

What to do if you're that guy: If you can't curb this kind of behavior permanently, then you at least have to keep it in check when making a first impression. Keep your flirting and wandering eyes at bay -- and maybe eventually it'll become a habit. Because, truthfully, if you introduce this kind of behavior into a relationship at any point, she won't be pleased.

5. The Cheap Guy
He invites a woman to dinner and then subtly suggests they go Dutch. He never splurges to buy her flowers and he always opts for the cheapest wine. He makes her feel like they're on a tight budget from the very first date.

Why he is so unappealing: Your first few dates should always be carefree; the words "saving" and "budget" shouldn't come up. If she spends the first date picturing a lifetime of penny-pinching with you, you're out of luck.

What to do if you're that guy: Loosen up the purse strings a little when you're courting a woman. You don't need to spend a fortune to make a good impression, but you do need to make her feel like she's special. Flowers are a nice touch once in a while.

6. The Arguer
This type of guy turns every conversation into an argument. When he takes a woman out, he makes her feel like she's in debate class rather than on a date. And in doing so, he makes her feel defensive and self-conscious.

Why he is so unappealing: A date should be a pleasant experience, but if she's on the defensive the whole time, she will not be enjoying herself. Remember this: Constant arguing and debating is a stress -- and you certainly don't want her to associate you with a stressful experience.

What to do if you're that guy: Most importantly, relax. If you are this type of guy, you probably revert to debating because you are nervous or unsure of what to say. So before the date, brainstorm conversation topics and questions you can ask her. That way, you won't be as likely to revert to arguing during lulls in the conversation.

7. The Self-Righteous Guy
This guy is very judgmental of others. He probably doesn't drink or smoke, and he doesn't hesitate to tell others to follow suit. From the very first date, he'll preach to a woman, telling her she shouldn't drink wine or get dessert.

Why he is so unappealing: No one wants to be judged, especially on a date. She'll just find it annoying and rude.

What to do if you're that guy: You can preach a little once you are actually in a relationship. But until that point, her drinking, smoking and dessert-eating habits are none of your business.

8. The Misogynist
This guy makes no secret of his bitterness toward women. On a date, he can't help but exude negativity toward his companion and the entire female gender by making rude and insulting comments.

Why he is so unappealing: This is the only type of behavior on this list that is, in fact, a total deal-breaker. And it's not surprising. What woman do you know that would like to be in a relationship with a man like this?

What to do if you're that guy: You need to reconsider your attitude if you are this type of guy. This type of behavior is not only rude and nasty, it is often the last straw in breaking up a relationship.

be the amazing guy

Don't stress out too much if you see yourself on the list above. But do remember this: These are behaviors that women look out for at the beginning of a relationship. So if you want to put your best foot forward and make a good impression, study the list and make sure to keep these female-unfriendly behaviors to a minimum.

Lessons of Life (4 Seasons)

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge
things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look
at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in
summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe
what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so
sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping
with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they
had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season,
and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come
from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring,
the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.


Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.

Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later

The Power of Puntiations

An English professor wrote the words,

"A woman without her man is nothing"

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All the males in the class wrote: A woman, without her man, is nothing.

All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Poem To Friend

For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, here's a touch of reality.

When you're sad, I'll get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bitch who made you sad.

When you're blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.

When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.

When you're scared, I'll rag you about it every chance I get.

When you're worried, I'll tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you're confused, I'll use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you're sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I'll point and laugh at your clumsy ass.