When you're sad, I'll get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bitch who made you sad.
When you're blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you're scared, I'll rag you about it every chance I get.
When you're worried, I'll tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you're confused, I'll use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you're sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I'll point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
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