Source: Pixdaus
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Steven Wrights' Gems
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's a famously learned scientist and comic:
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend...but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever...so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
28 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
29 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
31 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend...but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever...so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
28 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
29 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
31 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Friday, July 11, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Dear Son, Dear Daughter
Dear son , Dear daughter .....
When I am old, please try to have to be patience and understand me.
If I am a slob eating, If I have some difficulties clothing myself… be patient.
Remember the hours that I spent to teach you all sorts of things when you were young.
If I repeat the same thing dozens of times, please dont get angry.
Try to listen to me.
When you were young, you kept asking me to read you the same story, evening after evening, until you fall asleep.
And I read you the story.
If I do not wash myself any more so often, please do not think that I m a disgrace to you
Remember how many excuses I had to invent to make you take a bath when you were small.
When my poor legs not allow me to move as freely;
Please help me in the same way as I held your hands while your were learning your first steps.
If I told you one day that I do not want to live any more and I want to die;
please do not get angry; because one day, you will also understand.....
Please try to understand that at certain age, we do not really live any more.
One day, you will understand that in spite of all my errors,
I always wanted what was best for you and that I've prepared you the ground for when you’ve grown up.
Please do not feel sad or disgust or uncomfortable about my ailing old age.
Please help me to walk; walk together with me
The only thing I cherish and want the most is the love from you,
like the one you had for me when you were young.
I love you ..... my son, my daughter.....
Your Dad, Your Mum
When I am old, please try to have to be patience and understand me.
If I am a slob eating, If I have some difficulties clothing myself… be patient.
Remember the hours that I spent to teach you all sorts of things when you were young.
If I repeat the same thing dozens of times, please dont get angry.
Try to listen to me.
When you were young, you kept asking me to read you the same story, evening after evening, until you fall asleep.
And I read you the story.
If I do not wash myself any more so often, please do not think that I m a disgrace to you
Remember how many excuses I had to invent to make you take a bath when you were small.
When my poor legs not allow me to move as freely;
Please help me in the same way as I held your hands while your were learning your first steps.
If I told you one day that I do not want to live any more and I want to die;
please do not get angry; because one day, you will also understand.....
Please try to understand that at certain age, we do not really live any more.
One day, you will understand that in spite of all my errors,
I always wanted what was best for you and that I've prepared you the ground for when you’ve grown up.
Please do not feel sad or disgust or uncomfortable about my ailing old age.
Please help me to walk; walk together with me
The only thing I cherish and want the most is the love from you,
like the one you had for me when you were young.
I love you ..... my son, my daughter.....
Your Dad, Your Mum
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Water VS Booze
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we
have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey, or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we
have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey, or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
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